Monday, February 25, 2008

NEW "CORRECT" RUMOUR!!!


Ovechkin, Malkin, Crosby, Phaneuf, and Luongo
headline the new-look Habs.


BREAKING NEWS STORY:

The flurry of deals all hopeful Habs fans were awaiting has finally arrived. In a number of deals, the Canadiens have acquired forwards Sidney Crosby, Evgeni Malkin, Alexander Ovechkin, Jarome Iginla, Daniel Alfredsson, Jason Spezza, defensemen Nicklas Lidstrom, Sergei Gonchar, Brian Rafalski, and Dion Phaneuf, and goaltenders Robert Luongo and Martin Brodeur. They have also received the rights to the retired Eric Lindros.

The explosion of unprecedented deals came just two days after the Jersey retirement of Habs GM/former player Bob Gainey. Gainey returned the favour by creeping into the pockets of George Gillette and breaking a number of rules to land a team that could take the Canadiens to their first Stanley Cup since 1993.

The new deals have brought the Habs payroll number this year from an average $47.3 million to an asastronomical $114 million (without bonuses, for the 2008-2009 season). This unfortunately leaves the Habs an astounding $64 million over the cap. The price of "Leafs Suck" jerseys will be raised to $67 to help cover the costs.

Still retained from the Habs previous 23-man roster are: Chris Higgins, Saku Koivu, Alex Kovalev, Guy Latendresse, Maxime Lapierre, Michael Ryder, Michael Komisarek, Roman Hamrlik, Andrei Markov, Ryan O’Byrne, and Patrice Brisebois.

Though parts of this trade may elate some Habs fans, what is truly puzzling about the deal is that the Canadiens gave up young goaltender Carey Price and the Kostitsyn brothers, while refusing to give up soon-to-be UFAs Michael Ryder and Patrice Brisebois.

The deal should be announced officially tomorrow.

One can only wonder what the Habs plan to do with Eric Lindros.


(The above article was 100% false in every way.)



5 comments:

Habdul said...

Wat about Kovalchuk, Thornton, and Mickey Mouse?

How could u forget about Mickey?

The Guru said...

Mr. Mouse refused to waive his no-trade clause.

Mike L said...

I hear they asked donald duck to baby-sit the players kids? any trurh to that?

The Guru said...

Unfortunately Mr. Duck is still under contract with The Walt Disney Company and refused to waive his no-trade clause as well.

Mike L said...

I heard that he was willing to waive it but the habs threw away the offer when they realized that Donald was in rehab because of his ongoing refusal to wear underwear. (I guess they figured he would be a bad influence on the kids)